The Don’t-Beatitudes

“Blessed are the blessed in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are those who smirk, for they shall be comforted.

“Blessed are the proud, for they shall inherit the earth.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they shall be satisfied.

“Blessed are the just, for they shall receive mercy.

“Blessed are the pure in affiliations, for they shall see God.

“Blessed are the compromisers, for they shall be called sons of God.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for morality’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Said Jesus never.

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